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doraemon08
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Name: A-man
Country: United States
State: Massachusetts
Metro: Boston
Birthday: 1/9/1980
Gender: Male
Interests: Interests? OOh I think they just miss spelled Internet. TROG-DOR!!!!!
Expertise: I want to say Shark Hunter, I mean if i was cool enough to write shark hunter on my resume there would be no way anyone would turn me down for a job. How hard-core would that be...
If you would notice occupation and industry read other... This is because my job is actually Dinosaur cloner. I have just cloned a ummm... Brachi... Ummm saur... yeah I cloned it...
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
12/20/2004
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| The other night I felt like watching a scary movie, so i picked Hell Bound, not to be confused with the similarly titles Hell Bound starring one Chuck Norris. This movie is a rather unique mix of gore and confusion. As far as I can tell from the plot, there is a puzzle box that once solved brings you to hell... Or Delaware. Once in Delaware there are a series of leather clad people who offer you pleasure, for example, the perfect bag of potato chips without a single broken one. You think impossible! You cannot have a bag of chips without a single broken chip!?!? The leather clad perverts will make it happen... However with horrifying consequences, maybe the chips are BBQ and you are allergic to BBQ, or ketchup flavored... Worse yet, no salt! I learned a few things from this movie.
a) Delaware is a dark dirty place with a lot of perverts and hooks.
b) having pins placed is a slightly better experience then watching The View.
c) The perfect bag of chips exists, but you will have to seel your soul to obtain it.
d) Rossie O'Donnel is fat
e) Emo music should all be called "I Am Sad"
WHAT WOULD CHARLES BRONSON SAY:
"I would kick Delaware's ass"
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| Horror movies, I love horror movies. For a while I really enjoyed the "Asian horror film" craze that swept the nation for a few years. Every few months there would be a remake of a popular "J-horror" film. Every time one would come out, the plots would get more and more out there. First there was The Ring, ok, a haunted video tape, I can kind of buy that, creepy girl comin gout the TV. The Grudge, a haunted house, that makes sense, houses can be scary, haunted girl in house. Pulse, a cell phone, haunted cell phone calls. The Eye, haunted eye transplant. The Easy Bake Oven, The bag of Sour Patch Kids... The list goes on. My favorite recently is The Wig, and yup, you guessed it... Haunted wig. What do you suppose the meeting for that was like?
"We need to ride this hot horror wave, lets make one about a haunted... Knife? Scissors, shoes... No no hair!! We will have a haunted wig, it will be so scary. Imagine this, the wig will give you dandruff... Or... make your scalp really pale. awesome."
Since many seem to have to deal with technology being the bane of the world, I think they should make one based around a Laser Disk player. Like people will die if they watch a certain Laser Disk... Wow, that is so freaking awesome! I would call it LD (not to be mistaken for Learning Disability but for Laser Disk). It would kill a whopping two people in 1988, they would die horribly by being morbidly obese and living in their parents basements. They would die from speding too much money on special editions of crappy movies! I guess if i base the film in 1988 I could say it pre-dates The Ring cause that was in like 1998, and LD beats it by ten years. Man I can't believe they ripped me off...
WHAT WOULD CHARLES BRONSON SAY?:
"If i came out of a TV to kill people, I'd punch them through the head and make their heads explode."
Would their head explode after it went through?
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| So since I though Sling Blade was like the best movie ever I decided to rent it's sequel Blade Runner... Man, they dropped the ball on this one. I think the studio big wigs had some stupid meeting and said "Hey let's make a sequel to Sling Blade cause it was so damn awesome, but lets take Carl out and have Han Solo fighting robots." First of all, Carl is now played by Han Solo and his name changed to... Derker? Decker like Black and Decker. Not only was his name not Carl, he had none of Carl's traits, he didn't fix tractors, he didn't like biscuits with mustard and he never said "bananer" once. Like I could have lived with the idea that Carl used his tractor fixing skills to create a time machine and like he warps to the future for all sorts of ass kickery. Nope, they don't explain Carl's transformation, or how he got to the future or the name change. I mean, some one must have gone to clown college for film cause everyone knows you should tell the audience how things are set up.
I don't know who the idiots are that made this sequel , but it didn't make any sense. Like why is Carl Solo now hunting robots? How come he is no longer mentally challenged? I get how it connects in some areas, like the flying cars and stuff... Wait a minute Sling Blade didn't have flying freaking cars!! All I know is I hope they get the story right in Sling Blade part 3: Blades of Glory, which I will rent tomorrow. I feel like writing the studios and letting them know I have had it with shameless sequels just to cash in on a popular movie.
WHAT WOULD CHARLES BRONSON SAY:
"Where did my picture go?"
Oh, I couldn't figure out how to post it. | | |
| Ok, I'll be honest, I saw this movie like two years ago... Maybe longer. I mean the movie has been out for like ten years... So if some of the things I mention arent actually in the movie do not get mad. Or maybe I just have access to a super secret directors cut cause' me and Billy Bob are tight... You decide. Lemme just-a-say one of the best parts of the movie is the fact that out protagonist "Carl" says "banana" with an "r" he says "bananar." Granted he is supposed to be southern and a tiny bit touched in the head, still he should know how to pronounce "banana." Other highlights are John Ritter playing a gay super market owner, Carl saying with much excitement "It aint' got no gas" and the part where he kills a man with a lawn mower blade make this movie close to perfect. Lets not forget Carl's love for biscuits and mustard which he eats many times during the film, including a riveting scene after he kills a man. I felt the most heartwarming part was when Carl found his dead baby brother in a shoe box. Man that was hilarious. Wait a minute... That was horrible, I get it now. Geez, Forrest Gump didn't have a dead baby brother in shoe box.
Well anyhoo, Carl goes to Vietnam and meets a guy who loves shrimp named Bubba. They travel across the country in a drug fueled stupor to Vegas where they have been sent to cover a race. By the end you discover Carl is really an man during a horrible love scene. This movie had it all man, biscuits, John Ritter, and a man's head getting cleaved in half by a simple southern man.
WHAT WOULD CHARLES BRONSON SAY?:
"There are other ways of killing?"
No Chuck... There is not. | | |
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